One of those girls who helped you dress should have pierced your ears and had you wear long dangly earrings.

Wishing this would come true for me. In deed a good story.

Good story, actually several good stories.  When will you take each of your six different story times and fill out each story.  

I have read Crystal's writing suggestions I suggest you do too.  You had a few typos and grammar errors.  A good spell checker will help a lot.  (btw thanks for spelling a lot as 2 words which is correct.)

Very Good.. Wishing to relate.

Enjoyed very much. Over too soon. More please

There are other punctuation marks than the exclamation mark.

kool!

more!

keep writing; stories get better with each effort.

you're on your way; time is a good iron - for smoothing out irregular lines

Cute - spread the story out; it has great potential as a lively tale.

Please rewrite this story. You have some really good ideas. Try Again.

good start but needs to be longer

Kinda of unrealistic. I don't mind short stories, just as long they are believeble.  

You need to seriously think about rewriting this story.  You have some really good ideas.  You need to clearly outline and detail ech of the several parts you describe in your viginette.  It is simply too much too quick.  Please----Please break the story into paragraphs so it is easy to read.  A good exercise for you would be to rewrite this and expand each idea until you would have a story a minimum of 100k and perhaps more.  This is more  like wham, bang thank you ma'sm

the story was to short would have been a lot better to extend it out insteak of just making it 6 k there is a lot more to be added to make it more realistic  reasonable start but into everything to quickly

Too unrealistic.  The vast majority of people can't be held prisoner for a couples of days, let alone a month without law enforcement getting involved.  Also, How could she arrange for SRS without the patient's consent?  Lastly, the hypnosis can be broken a therpaist specializing in hypnosis.  Considering that, and DNA will reveal that he is a male genetically, if all of these things could possibly happen, he could press charges against her.  She would be facing years behind bars, and losing everything she owned.  I wish you would be more realistic.

good story just like an essay its interesting the way he had the tables turned on him it would have been better to go a lot more of the descrition and the way foreward

If you had written an essay or a story in school, without using paragraphs, it would, most likely, have been unacceptable. The same applies when writing ficition - unless you are Jack Kerouac. It was very difficult to read.

Liked it could have been a bit longer but keep up the good work

didn't like it.

great story but a bit to short it would have been better to spread the story out more I like the way that revenge was done to him imagine to keep on asking about what are thongs and the like are like to wear surely he must have known his girfreing would get angry with him asking the same questions timand time again well done please make your next story a lot longerand include more

I keep wishing but with no results, to have breasts and a vagina wow that would be great, to feel the silk brushing against my erect nipples fantastic thought.   Oh Well Dream on

Hello--you wrote me a letter a day or so ago---It had an attachment that wouldnt download--just tied up the computer.  Can you write me a conventionl letter with your message?

The story BTW needs work--as it sems to be just a 'grocery list' of events---like a quick summary--rather tha the story itself.---Follow this rule--ALWAYS have at least TWO dialogue exchanges in each scene.

M12